Actually, I was a little panicked.
Indeed. Picking up the phone, the word "Mom" on the screen was typed, then deleted, and then typed again. Normally, when shouting, it is quite smooth, but when it comes to writing blessings, it is not clear what words can be called "appropriate". Worrying is too much, and worrying is too dull. Everyone knows that the string between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will make no sound if played softly, and it will be harsh if played too hard.
Those copied from the Internet are almost meaningless.
A search was conducted around what were described as "exemplary blessings," including statements such as "You are the support of the family" and others such as "Stay slim and never grow old."
Tsk.
It seems to be correct when you look at it, but it always feels like it was written for someone else's mother. It's too correct, so correct that there's no warmth in it. The mother-in-law took the phone and glanced at it briefly, smiled politely, and then did not follow up - this was not a blessing, this was clearly completing the key performance indicators.
Then I thought, what does she want?
Does she lack my "Happy Birthday"? She doesn't lack it. My husband and children have already said it at the dinner table, and relatives from home have also said it on the phone. So what exactly is it that she lacks?
What is missing is "being seen".
I saw the flour she kneaded when she got up at six in the morning, I saw her secretly giving coins to her children to buy snacks, I saw her claiming that she "doesn't like birthdays", yet she put on the newly bought red sweater.
### Which one does your mother-in-law like the most?
Don't bother with those vain poems and songs.
The last thing I sent was a few sentences, even a little incoherent:
Mom, did you burn your hands while cooking? I'm working overtime today so I really can't go back. Please stop working so busy. The cake placed on the table is for the father and son to cut. You can just sit there and give instructions today.
Hey, that's what you mentioned yesterday, the TV series you said you wanted to watch. I've cast it on the TV and you can watch it with just a click.
"Also, thank you for the express delivery you have helped me collect over the past few years. I am too lazy to open it. You are tired."
Not a word of "love" was mentioned, not a word of "greatness" was written.
But I think she should be able to smile when she sees it. That's enough.
### In fact, the blessing is "I am listening"
You will find that all words that move people are not spoken, but "heard".
She complained that her hands hurt, did you hear her? She complained that the TV series could not be found. Did you hear it? She actually expects you to praise the bowl of braised pork. Did you hear this?
The condition that people often talk about is called "appropriate", which is not reflected in the precise wording, but in a gentle way that you return her endless thoughts to this person.
Rather than words, sometimes I trust “clumsy” actions more
To be honest, after sending that WeChat message, I ordered another bouquet of flowers.
It was not in a bright red or purple state, but a bouquet of chamomile, which had a light and refreshing quality. It was placed in the dusty vase on her windowsill, and it was in just the right state.
In the evening, I planned to sneak away as soon as possible and cook a bowl of noodles for her when I got back. It's the kind of noodles with clear soup. Beat an egg in it and sprinkle some chopped green onions. She once taught me that eating this way will make your stomach feel better.
The noodles may be lumpy and the soup may be a bit salty, but so what.
Who says she really cares about those one or two sentences?
In fact, we all know in our hearts that once the birthday passes today, tomorrow we will still have to pay for daily necessities, there will still be minor frictions, and there will still be a few quarrels over taking care of the children.
But it is precisely because of this situation that it is increasingly necessary to have such a day, such a small moment, such a real moment, such a pyrotechnic moment, to gently fill in those stumbling points.
You see, at the end of the day.
There is no standard answer.
This person is your husband's mother, your children's ancestor, the figure from behind who is busy in the kitchen three times a day, always talking about not wanting anything!
If you pay attention, she will receive it.
That's enough.
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