Etiquette begins with the Jin couple: the cultural genes and philosophical foundation of the six wedding rites
The records in "Book of Rites·Hun Yi" indicate that the purpose of "Hun Li" is to establish a friendly relationship between two people with different surnames. From the top, it is used to serve the ancestral temple, and from the bottom, it is to perpetuate future generations in this way. Only such a few words clearly reveal the "cultural core" of the traditional Chinese marriage system.
Marriage is not a simple union between men and women, but is related to the continuation of the clan. It is a major event in etiquette and law that is conducive to the stability of the social structure.
Asking about names in Nacai: The first question about the unity of heaven and man and the mystery of the eight characters
As the beginning of the six wedding rites , " nacai " is not a simple proposal of marriage.
When the groom's family invites a matchmaker to propose to the bride's family, he must go there with a goose gift .
The ancients chose the characteristics of wild geese that fly in a certain order and will not pair up again, and regarded it as a symbol of moral harmony and a representative of loyalty, firmness and unambiguousness. This shows the wisdom of using objects as metaphors for moral character in rituals.
If the girl's family accepts the gift, the wedding ceremony will enter the second step - " asking for the name ".
The matchmaker takes the post and asks the woman waiting to get married what her name is and what her birth date is, that is, the combination of heavenly stems and earthly branches corresponding to the year, month, day and time of birth. This behavior is not just a simple household registration investigation, but has its own purpose. It is to "return to the temple for divination", to pray to the ancestors and gods for their presence, and then to divine whether it is good or bad.
After the name inquiry is completed, the two parties will exchange " draft posts " and place red paper with eight characters written on it in front of the ancestors of gods and Buddhas for three days. During this period, if there is any " ruin " in the home such as broken dishes or quarrels , it will be regarded as a sign of disharmony from the gods , and the marriage will stop at that point.
If the situation is the opposite, then people who are engaged in the profession of predicting people's destiny will be asked to "match the birth dates of both men and women to check whether their marriage is suitable", and carefully check the mutual restraint between the five elements and the conflict between the zodiac signs (just like "there is a bad saying between those born in the year of horse and those born in the year of ox").
The application period: the materialization of the spirit of contract and the practice of yin and yang philosophy
In the wedding process, after completing the "Naji" step, the marriage status has entered a determined state. The thing that can stabilize this determined state with the help of material types is the most solemn and solemn "Naji" step in the entire etiquette process (usually called "betrothal gift" in popular terms).
This move marks the formal establishment of the marriage contract and is legally binding.
The groom's family chooses an even-numbered auspicious day, places the betrothal gifts such as gold, silver, silk, tea cakes, etc. in large food boxes and delivers them to the bride's family through matchmakers and relatives.
There must be a " marriage certificate " in the betrothal gift. The one prepared by the groom's family is called " Qian Shu ", and the receipt prepared by the bride's family is called " Kun Shu ". It is taken from the " Union of Heaven and Earth " in the "Book of Changes", and this is the prototype of today's marriage certificate .
What is worth pondering is that the woman's family needs to make a "return gift" after accepting the betrothal gift, and the amount of the return gift often hides a subtle meaning that is not known to everyone: if it is expected that the "dowry" prepared by itself will be very generous, then a larger betrothal gift will be accepted; on the contrary, more betrothal gifts will be returned.
This subtle game is exactly the projection of social reality in etiquette .
After accepting the levy, " application periods " followed one after another.
The groom's family once again conducts divination to select an auspicious date for the wedding. This auspicious date is usually called the "wedding month" and "choose the day". Then the groom's family uses written form, that is, the act of issuing a marriage letter, to inform the bride's family and obtain relevant consent.
At this point, the preparations for the wedding are all completed and we are waiting for the right time .
Kissing and Yingying: A cadenza of ritual symbolism and life praise
As the climax of the six rites , on the day of " welcome ", the rites and music are played together.
When preparations for the wedding are on the eve of the wedding, the groom and the bride each perform the act of "going up" in their own homes, and this act of "going up" is done by the elders called "good fortune and longevity" who comb the hair of the bride and groom. The meaning of doing so is to try to transfer the blessing that symbolizes blessings to the newlyweds.
The bride needs to undergo the "face-saving" (that is, face-opening) for the first time in her life. The hair on her face is twisted out with the help of thin threads, which marks the transition to adulthood and the corresponding change in identity. It is a symbol with specific meaning.
Among the teams welcoming the bride, the sound of drums played by the team specifically responsible for the "blow-blowing" aspect created an extremely warm and solemn festive atmosphere.
The dowry (consisting of boxes, cabinets, quilts, etc.) is sent to the groom's family along with the procession. Inside the box is a specially placed "money for pressing the box", waiting for the reward of the man's "money for opening the box". This coming and going is full of the fun of life and the courtesy of human relationships.
When the bride arrives at the groom's house, her feet do not touch the ground. She either steps on the felt mat or is carried by the groom to enter. She must pass over the large fire pit placed at the entrance of the bridal chamber. Every bride's home location has to go through this process.
After the newlyweds entered the bridal chamber, they had to perform a ceremony called the "Henan Ritual". Later, this ceremony evolved into the "Handling Cup of Wine". First, a gourd was divided into two ladles, and then the couple each took one piece to drink and rinse their mouths. This symbolizes becoming one and sharing the joys and sorrows.
From "the solemn initiation of the parents' orders and the matchmaker's words" to "three books and six rituals that are closely linked one by one", the traditional Chinese marriage system has built a complete set of "social order" and "life-related philosophy" with its unique "deep and heavy feeling of culture".
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